My Christmas Wish

Dear Santa,


I know you will visit again this year.

This year, my wish is not for a gift under the tree or a new pet. My wish is a little more complex because my life has become very complex.

Last year, I had a mobile phone, the mobile phone had 90 contacts and an SMS cost N10 naira for local numbers. This meant that with N1,000 credit, I could send a yuletide message to all my contacts; I could even afford to buy a pack of 20 cards for N1,500 if I was feeling really generous to send the really important people.

Unfortunately, this year, that mobile phone was replaced by a blackberry on which I currently have a Facebook account, Twitter account, Gmail account and Yahoo account. I have 536 friends on Facebook, 104 followers on Twitter, and numerous email addresses on Gmail and Yahoo. This is excluding actual mobile numbers.

While this may seem like a good thing, it really isn’t, simply because I have to send yuletide messages on Facebook, Twitter, by email and SMS. I also have to figure out a way to send pictures, greeting cards whilst sound flighty and fun!

Still not seeing what my problem is? Okay, I’d break it down.

My blackberry has been rendered useless because my track pad is spoilt… my idiot cousin slept on my laptop and now the screen is bad - even if it was good, I would still need a minimum of N5000 to pay for a data connection which I don’t have, so let us not even talk about fixing the screen for now.

Yet something must be done and this brings me to my wish, Dearest Santa!

I need a new identity for Christmas, preferably that of a new baby with no friends and no devices – with no obligations or responsibilities and I am sure you truly understand.

Dear Santa…

Looking forward to waking up on Christmas morning in some unsuspecting rich woman’s uterus.

Yours Desperately,

Etiebong Joseph

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Essay: How I spent my Easter Holiday.

My Easter holiday this year started on the eve of Good Friday after a brief stint at the office. I went shopping for some equipments with a friend (a gadget freak) and went home to test them out. Saturday was exhausting! I went shopping for grocerries, provisions and household appliances, saw a boring movie in the cinemas and got home exhausted. Sunday was fun, went to church, rearranged my kitchen, watched a movie (Cinema style, surround sound, big screen, snacks and drinks) and lazed around the house. Monday, I tried out a chinese recipe, tested my new grill (Yum! Yum!!). Did some reading and watched a movie half way - fell asleep before it was over. And thats how I spent my Easter Holiday! How did you spend yours?
Read more

How to Spot a Jerkazoid

Image
This post is specifically for women and young ladies but for any men who happen to be reading, you might find some useful information which may help a friend or sister. Jerkazoid is a word you wont find in any dictionary at least not yet, but it is a word I created to describe guys who are extremely talented at being jerks, so much so that it seems like a super power or mutant ability. Spotting a Jerkazoid is an essential step for any female who is dating or planning to date. It is the first step to dodging the bullet of an abusive relationship.   Just so we are on the same page, in my books and a lot of other books, an abusive relationship, is one in which the man physically and/or psychologically hurts or seeks to hurt a woman. Unfortunately, our culture as Africans generally and Nigerians specifically, condones a number of things and downplays abuse in relationships but that doesn't change the fact that what is wrong is wrong regardless of what culture says. Most r
Read more

My Waist line!

Image
Oh My Waist Line, My lovely Waist Line How over the years we have come a long way How over the years I have watched you grow How now I fear I may have lost you forverer! Oh My Waist Line, My lovely Waist Line With every bite of holiday treats I feel you receed farther and farther away, Intervention from the Gym seems useless, Now I fear you may never be coming back! Oh My Waist Line, My lovely Waist Line Oh for the times we have shared, The snug jeans and classy tops, Please stay a while longer, please persevere! Adieu Waist Line, My lovely Waist Line Alas, you are gone for good, Welcome home choclate cake, This is the begining of a beautiful friendship!
Read more